My ex-girlfriend and I broke up after a long relationship, and I was really tore apart inside... I started getting heavy into smoking pot.... I would look forward to going home just to get high... I would do it everyday, literally. I was going on my 6th month straight of this routine, when one night I was laying in bed completely baked... I had just bought a new ounce (which cost me over $80) and everything just came crashing in on me. I started feeling really bad about what I was doing and went back and forth for about a half hour debating in my mind whether I should just flush the whole ounce. I finally decided to do it...
For the next two weeks or so after that, a lot of weird things started happening. I would see situations around me, and have strong feelings to do things for those people. A lot of the time I didn't even want to do it, but the feeling inside was so strong I had to. I had been telling my ex-girlfriend all these weird things I was going through... Anyway I found out my Aunt had a brain tumor and was getting surgery for it, so I thought I should pray for her. It had been a LOOONG time since I had prayed before, but as I was finishing, I had this thought enter my mind that was basically along the line of, "you're going to go to church tomorrow, and when the pastor calls for people to go down front, you go down front." I didn't think much of it, and just passed it off. Well it turns out my ex girlfriend had been telling one of her friends all that stuff I was going through, and that friend went to a church in Malibu. Her friend actually called me that day and invited me to go on Sunday to her church. Needless to say I was a little tripped out, I thought it was strange, and I guess that's why I said okay.
So Sunday morning I headed out for Malibu. I was really late, and had almost decided to just turn around and go home, but I decided to keep going.
I was right at downtown LA...with all the skyscrapers right there when all of a sudden I heard this voice. It was an audible voice, just as if I was speaking out loud to you. He said "Joshua, see that dove, that's for you" and as soon as I heard it, I saw a white dove start to fly as if someone had just dropped it.... AS SOON as I saw the dove, this bolt like electricity shot through my body. It didn't hurt or anything, but I just broke down and started to cry. I pulled off my sunglasses because they were getting all fogged up, and I heard the voice again...as clear as day, and He said, "Joshua, see that man on the side of the road, He's one of my angels." And I looked, and saw kneeling on the side of the 10 freeway a man with very dark skin, and pure white clothes...so white they almost seemed to give off their own light. Again, as soon as I saw him, that same "electricity" shot through me.
Now everything was happening so fast, and my mind was reeling trying to connect everything. Before I was able to, I heard His voice again, (and it was the last time I heard him audibly) and He said, "Joshua, my love is all around you and my signs are everywhere" and after he said that, I saw a white balloon rise straight up from the freeway directly ahead of me. This all happened in a matter of seconds, although thinking back on it now, it seems like it took an hour. But after the balloon, everything hit home and I realized it was really God! That night I went to the church again, and at the end of the service, sure enough, the pastor called for people to come down front if they wanted to. I ran down front and stood eagerly expecting something to happen....5 minutes go by, then 10, I said forget it, and turned to leave just as someone came up and started praying. It was a quick little prayer, and then they left. So I thought, okay, I'm outta here, and as I turned again to leave, I felt Him very strongly say, "No, I'm not finished yet...just stand here and be patient." So I stopped and waited.
Almost 20 more minutes went by and by that time I couldn't be patient anymore so I turned to walk out. Again, just as I did, another man came up and started praying for me. All of a sudden I started to feel that electricity again...really subtle in my feet. But then it started getting stronger and it felt like it was filling up my whole body until I couldn't even stand anymore. So there I was on the floor, feeling this energy flowing through my body in waves... I started getting freaked out... I thought this was all wrong and I was even starting to be afraid. It felt like something was literally rising out of me...this really made me afraid but then I heard His voice again. It was so clear, I couldn't even tell if it was audible or not (I don't know if the people around me could hear it, but I doubt they could). But he said "Joshua don't be afraid... I'm cleansing you of your sins... I'm taking away all of those things of the past" and I just remember the comfort that flooded my body as soon as He spoke. I wasn't afraid anymore. Then He said, "Joshua, I'm holding your hand right now."
And as soon as He said that, my left hand "exploded" into the most intense feeling of the electricity I have ever experienced to this day... It didn't hurt at all, but it was so intense... I could feel His power... and I KNEW He was holding my hand! Then He said "Joshua, now you know I am real...you've heard about me since you were a kid...I am Jesus...I am the living God" Then my mind started flooding with memories from all through my life....moments where He had protected me and been with me, and I had never even known it.
It was absolutely incredible!!
All of that happened June 13, 1999...my life hasn't been the same since! :)
Now I have an awesome relationship with Him...although some times are better than others.... We talk a lot, but now it is inside...between my spirit and His....I hear him in much the same way you hear these words within yourself as you read this letter. That voice is your own spirit and it exists independent of your flesh and blood body. That part of you which really makes you who you are, is immortal...it will live forever. Jesus was and is fully God... what He represents as a man was the full consciousness of God, entering into this world... His creation... being plugged in and taking on all the physical aspects of you and I.... and when Jesus gave His life as a sacrifice on the cross, it was to be a covering for each and everyone of us... to wash away all of our sins that keep us separated from God. When Jesus rose from the dead, it was a promise to all who will believe in Him, that they too will be risen and break free from the chains of death. In the spirit, our sins are clearly seen to anyone who would look at you. So that means that every dark dirty little secret you have within you, that you wouldn't want anyone to know, would be naked and exposed when you are purely spirit (like when you die and leave the body) except when we are in the spirit things are much, much clearer, so even little secrets you may have now would bring an incredible amount of shame and embarrassment there.
People will literally run and hide in the outer darkness, to be as far from the light as possible. God is light...to be separated from Him, and be fully aware of all our sins would be absolute torment in the spiritual world. Hell is real.
Jesus' sacrifice actually washes away all of those dirty secrets...and they disappear....you will have nothing to hide...no embarrassment or shame. You will be able to sit in the infinite creators' lap, as His child... filled with His love which is beyond words to describe how wonderful it is.... you will be able to explore the infinite mystery of His creation... to travel to worlds without bounds... to move at the speed of thought... to exist outside of time, and talk with people from all ages of the world... and then Heaven.... a place so amazing and wonderful that the least aspect of it is beyond any man's ability to even imagine how amazing it will be!! And it is all given freely to whoever will recognize their own sin and ask for forgiveness... To ask God to come and live within their own hearts, and to fill them with His love. The only way one can be absolutely positive in their future after this world, is to know the One who can transform your mind and present you faultless before the throne of God... and that One is Jesus... living within your heart... who you get to know better than your closest friend.
That's what this is all about for me. If it was just religion or just church, it couldn't change my life. But Jesus is REAL... He is ALIVE and active in our lives already... He is my most precious friend... to make the next step and actually meet Him would transform your life. It's amazing and it's so simple!!!
All you have to do is talk to God... I'm not going to write a fancy prayer or tell you exactly what to say... It's between you and God... just be real with Him... Admit that you have made mistakes and have sinned, then ask Him to come inside your heart and wash all of those things away. Just pour your heart out to Him, and thank Him for sacrificing Himself for YOU... All it takes is an honest and sincere heart which recognizes it's own brokenness, and cries out for help. God is AWESOME!! And He LOVES YOU with an EVERLASTING LOVE....
If you would like to talk or share your own experiences with me... or if you would like to have someone to pray for / with you, please write me!